Posts Tagged ‘Rambling’

Must admit, the idea of blogging daily USE to excite me – now it feels like a drag 😦

Hopefully this is just a passing phase. Maybe I need a new angle? Or stop thinking to much? Or just stop being so lazy? LOL!

I’ll get back to this tomorrow… PROMISE! I think there is a few things in the back of my mind that I wanna share… 🙂

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Haven’t had a clue what the date has been for a while… sometimes I did, for like when filling in forms or having appointments or meetings to attend – I’d sleep and POOF! I wake up unknown to the date once again. So Happy 1st of the Month and Happy April Fools! 🙂

I made a courageous step a few days ago and I thought what I was feeling was regret, but it turns out that I’m just scared. When we open doors to haunting things – well, who wants to do that?!? We some up how pointless it was – how typing it out/writing it/speaking about it makes you cry inside (or for many, outside too), how the pain all rushes back which for some reason makes me so angry, how it makes you want to just wanna stop and crawl into a hole…

I actually got angry at the people I shared my story with – secretly. I can laugh at it now, but there’s something about hearing positive stuff when you’re down that really bugs me. Could have screamed but I’m not the screaming type! :p

Days have passed now and I can’t say I have the intention to approach the topic again – nor solve the mess… sigh.

I’ve probably got this completely wrong (more time – YES!) but I woke up this morning, decided to cheer up and now I feel totally refreshed! Am I kidding myself?! Can it be that simple?? I want it to be! I NEED it to be! I just don’t know how to solve inner issues that steal my joy daily, manipulate my emotions and my perspective on life, cause me to step out the social-circle a couple times a month because I don’t like the possibility of bring others down when I am…. Demanding myself to be happy and not to think too much seems perfect!

So can this month be opening to new things – the concept of it being the blossoming season makes it a perfect fit to waking up each morning WANTING to blossom and enjoy my day!

I must be dilusional…

What to say?

Posted: March 30, 2009 in Eye-Opener, God/Faith, Life, Revelation, Trust
Tags: , , , ,

Would have posted something sooner but the week took a toll on me – everything and everyone! Plus, my connection has been kinda slow so I’ve been resorting to handheld devices to interact rather than my laptop – there’s my excuse for the blog neglection! 🙂

One of the main things I have come to realise this week is how even the bad things people do is good for someone else. Go figure, huh?! So when people have brought me down, angered me, hurt me, whatever else – I somehow have to press through and thank God for that! Sometimes saying thanks during those times is thankfulness in advance… sometimes a relief because we saw how things could have been worse.

What’s difficult about that is we don’t like being that way! Seeing the brighter and bigger side isn’t everyones taste. It means we must think and do with a purpose, accept ourselves as a purpose and allow ourselves to be of a purpose, not to forget the purpose is beyond us completely. Also involves believeing in justice though it may not come straight away nor in the way we desired, hope and faith in better experiences and encounters, believing in something or someone better than all of us put together AND some! Oh and importantly, believing in the design of life – where it leads.

I would be nothing right now without the knowledge of the “bigger picture”. Would have given up on others and myself.

It gave me the tolerance to put up with things, the humility to put them aside and respect to the things that are good.

Still, I’m nowhere near a master of this perspective. I’m crumbling even now!

Thought I’d just say it anyway… you know, since I chose purpose a while ago so then something about my thoughts MUST be something for someone… right? :p

Seriously, I don’t do much in my free-time that is worth any attention on this blog… sigh – but if you insist! :p

I think I’m a pretty great bum because I do very little and complain about it. Do you think my friends receive calls from me? Nope – theycomplain all the time “Where have you been hiding?!” And I’ll respond “At home!” as if to say – DUH! Occassionally I will pick up the phone – I mostly stare at it while it rings thinking how I really can’t be bothered, then when I see them I complain about the parties, social gatherings and jokes I missed out on. Now I just don’t get told! LOL! I just have to be there when things get arranged or pick up the phone and hope that this person will inform me somehow if something is coming up.

What do I do? Hmmmm… I read A LOT! Sit A LOT! Maybe turn on the TV but I gotta check the schedule first to see if it’s worth the use of electricity. I day dream – hmm…sometimes. Play Sims 2. And the remainder contains a lot of twittering. I snack like crazy (but thankfully no weight is gained!) I am always sleepy which gives me an excuse not to do much. When not working I can easily get up, eat, go back to bed and YAY its evening time! I still do the housework – much more than some – so I’m not a total waste of  space.

Life, I believe, has been sucks out of me! I have no motivation whatsoever to do anything productive (besides the reading, I guess) and complain about it. Gosh, my life has been very lazy recently and I can feel the depression slowly creeping up on me… I have a lot of time on my hands – work doesn’t take up too much right now.

I love my BF – he sometimes accompanies me in my bumness – I hope it doesn’t rub off on him too much because I’m looking to switch things up real soon.

I guess we all have our weeks or for some, months. Once we get back into the things that define living life – we enter it so refreshed and restored – ready to take over the world and ain’t no rain gonna stop you!

See that’s why I’m proud of being a bum 🙂 I’m gonna take over the world in T minus 7 days!!! Until then, y’all gotta put up with my boring rambling :p