New Life and Stuff

I’m so happy for Angellyn!  She had her baby boy #3 this weekend – that’s more love to share around! I deactivated my facebook account and I’m pretty sure photos were posted. Talk about bad timing!

This is a great thing and I’m so excited for her and her family. I don’t expect to hear from her for the next few weeks, if she does I think I’ll tell her off a bit. Lol! I did leave a voice mail congratulating them (thanks to Skype’s cheap overseas calls!) and sent my love. I wish I was in Indy right now to visit little man and fam to share such a special moment. Her life is the totally opposite from mine so  I’m sure the childbirth went very smoothly and probably very quick.

I’m talking about a great family here: they have a wonderful life and an inspiring one. I wish that we were closer and had an equal friendship but hopefully that will come in time. The reason I say that is because recently I have noticed how many friends make their conversations all about me or general things. I’m a very open person when I choose to be and so if someone asks what’s up or more specific, I’m tell all my ups and downs plus so much more – I’m expressive. In return of asking how they are it’s a “I’m fine” then they ask for more depth about me… hmmmmm. It makes me feel that everything is one way when relationships should be both ways. Not saying that I’m expecting bad news for them to go through struggles for me to feel differently but it’s like I’m not being let in – What’s going on lately, what they are dealing with/experiencing, hardships, goals, achievements, highlights, ARE YOU OK? etc. Doesn’t even have to be in depth but something at least! I get told off for for saying I’m OK or fine or not bad! Makes no sense to me!

This new week has to be meaningful – it has to be! I must post my tax credit renewal form, post my application for my degree, get my grocery shopping in while being mindful about my finances, clean the house, sort through weeks of pointless mail, search for a christian wedding poem to read at my brother’s wedding in August, find outfits to wear to the four wedding I must attend to in the next 3 months (incl. my brother’s – the big one!), try and remember Fathers Day, find out if  can degrade my digital TV because I blatantly don’t need all the channels I’m subscribed to… I’m sure there’s a few things I’m missing….

I decided to go with my “timeout” with peers for a while, hence to deactivation of facebook so I should have the time to complete my to-do list. I’ll be on Twitter though, so I won’t be disappearing really 🙂

Other than that, I’m gooooooood! :p

Another Week Over With – Can I Disappear Already?

I have never felt so trapped within myself before… I go through periods of isolation so much so it bothers me. I think it bothers me more because others are bothered by it so I’m kinda confused as to whether I am as much in the wrong as I beat myself up to be.

I tend to “go into hiding” for a few weeks – no one really hears from me. I don’t decide to do it, I just find myself doing it. Maybe it’s an insecurity… It gets to the point sometimes when I cannot stand people at all! Even close friends I suddenly find irritating, uncomfortable, to keep it subtle and I don’t know why! If I’m not careful I could even end up disliking them and completely pushing them out of my life, even though they most likely haven’t done anything wrong at all.

This is hard to admit. Definitely not something to be proud of. It ruins my relationships all the time. I just disappear and, not-so-much become a complete bum and mope around, but just don’t respond to anyone whether its a call, a text, an email… etc

I’m someone who requires space and not too many friends. I have trust issues (not to excuse my ways) and hate being dependant. No one really deserves what I do but I am so unaware that it’s happening that when I do catch on, I go with it and have the strongest desire to block everyone out and start a new life with fresh new people…

Been battling this week and I actually cried for the first time in mucho months. It was a late night conversation with a friend of mine that did it. As caring and thoughtful as it was to encourage me to humble myself enough to re-approach people to try reviving relationships, I cried because I didn’t have to desire to what I should do. I should want to.

So now I think people have had enough of my flaws because I no longer hear from them either… Don’t blame them. ARGH!! I must have some deep, twisted issues that sub-consciously cause me to jepardise my own life.

Thought I’d share this because I’m hurting…

Banned Tiny Toons Episode

Thought I’d share what I “Stumbled-Upon” this morning. Why do creator waste their time doing stuff they know will cause controversy or bad influences. Though this can be taken positively, it’s still a waste.

I admit, the 7mins I took to watch this, I got pretty bored. Reminds me of how most of my friends would drink excessively because of such things as boredom and if you weren’t joining in, they’re boring to watch. Except me – I think I was damn right hilarious when drinking (typsy never drunk – except that one, maybe two house-parties back at school… QM girls will know which ones I’m on about :-/) but yeah, when I slowed down it kinda hit me that I probably wasn’t… 🙂

I’m sure I saw this one on TV before… hmmmm

My Plan is to…

… gain 2-3 degrees by the time I’m 30! =) No one is allowed to put me down and tell me I can’t do it – NO ONE!

Oh & yes it’s a little ambitious but totally doable. I worked it out. I wanna do Multimedia/Interactive Media, Youth Work (ministry) and Theater. At some point I will blend them all together for the greater good – Outreach to the youth of today!

So, as of Sat. 20th I will enrol for a foundation degree to get me started. It can take 1-2years to complete and then up to an additional 15mths for a full degree. I’ll be seeking a placement while studying to gain experience and work my behind off to make it permanent or enough for a great reference. THEN… I’ll be going straight into the next one while working in the field of the completed degree part-time and then when it’s time for a placement again, I seek one relating to what I’m currently studying. So hmmmm….. that’s another 2years give or take and by then I will be 27-28yrs old. If I decided to do the 2nd one part-time I’ll be realistic and add on a year meaning I’ll be 28/29. I COULD seriously be in the middle of my 3rd course by the time I’m 30!

Whew! This is going to be A LOT yet so what, right? A goal is better than one and to I’m not dumb, Just one degree will be great – there will be no disappoint if time or circumstances fail me. When I get started at something, I kinda become a workaholic, I’m dedicated especially when I’m passionate. This is just an outline plan of achievements, not so much a must-do. It is all possible… just sayin’. 🙂

I have been a “quitter” before at college when I took on my first ever course after school days. It was Media Studies and it turned out to be all types of media except of the one I was hoping to go into. I was bummed and unhappy there so I dropped out after completing the first year – still got a qualification with merits though. 🙂 I would call it quitting, just a misdirection? :-s

Then I went into full-time work and made my way up to Trainee Assistant Manager of a well-known sports fashion company but them some dodgy employees killed it for me by selling stock on the side and as management, we’ve got to take the fall too…

Went back to studying doing Technical Theatre but then got knocked up. THE END. That’s the light-hearted version – my life is full of drama surrounding these events but the past is past – YOU ARE ALL FORGIVEN NOW!

Oh, there was more I wanted to blog about but I’ve got mothering duties to attend to and then a heavy dose of reading.